As I was putting T to bed tonight, I whispered to him, “Thank you for making me your mama.” He was, naturally, confused by this & I quickly realized that it would be impossible to explain to him that before him, I was me & not a mother.
Heck, sometimes I’m confused by these types of thoughts. … Who am I? Who was I? Am I still who I was? …
Motherhood can seem (& actually be) all-consuming. But I am still here. Still pursuing my career, still connecting with old friends, still in love with MFA Dad, still reading books (& not all parenting books), still a daughter. Another (complicated & thick!) layer has been added on top of all those identities, and sometimes motherhood seems determined to smother all those other layers. … But it doesn’t & I’m still here.
I am a mother. I am more than a mother.
And Mother’s Day is a funny expression of this duality. I want to both celebrate with my family & retreat to some solo activity. I may get a little of both… We’ll see what my boys have in store for me. I hope you get a little of both, too.
It’s not “Motherhood Day.” It’s “Mother’s Day.” We are mothers & many other things & tomorrow should be about that complexity. And, so, happy Mother’s Day to you (& all your selves)!