Things have been quiet around here the past two weeks… I’m in between jobs (yay!) & trying to hibernate a bit & build up my
anxieties energy for my first day at my new job (today… yikes!).
Which really just means that I’ve been doing a bunch of batch cooking (freezing lots of yummy stuff for the busy weeks ahead!) & playing Legos with T (mostly flipping pages of the instruction booklets & searching for tiny pieces among the piles…).
Oh, and of course trying to get my entire life in order while I have the chance… Clean the closet, go through piles of paperwork, etc…. Yeah, that didn’t happen (though I did manage to make an even bigger mess by starting to clean out the closet & pantry simultaneously & without finishing either…
Mostly, I’ve been thinking about food, as usual (see my prior post about my
Not just my food, but T’s food.
T will begin going to school full-day today & I’ve been agonizing over lunch. There’s hot lunch, but is it good enough for my child who has been eating low-grain, no gluten with us this summer?
We are lucky.
T goes to a small private school & for a reasonable price he can receive the hot lunch, which is organic & doesn’t have nasty preservatives, flavorings, or additives.
But letting go of that control is hard for me. Other people (including T, himself) are making choices about what goes into his little body!
But this is just the first of many letting go’s that I will have to suffer as T grows up. In fact, this is far from the first. There was the first time I left him as an infant to go to work & school. There were those first steps he took away from me & MFA Dad. T’s first interests, his first “no,” his first nanny, his first day of school, weaning (which just happened & about which I hope to write something soon).
I’m not sentimental. I didn’t cry at any of these momentous events.
But I cringed at the loss of control.
Then I took a deep breath & moved along.
I’m trying to do the same this morning as T & I both embark on new adventures. Not easy, but I’m trying.
Because I need that mental space to concentrate on learning my new job, making a strong first impression, & saving a little bit of myself for home.
I’m not sure how my new job will impact my home life (hoping for less stress & more time at home), my blogging life (maybe less anonymity in the future?), me (really… I could use less stress!).
Talk about the ultimate loss of control! I’m about to turn myself over to strangers. I’m OK with it. I now have tools to navigate just about any workplace dynamic & I’m confident I’ll make it work.
Now, I have just enough time on the train to close my eyes & breath.
Happy Monday, all!