So I realize that my post On mommy guilt sounded so sure & confident. I intentionally wrote it that way. I don’t think I can tackle mommy guilt if I’m wishy-washy. I don’t think it helps to think about mommy guilt while entertaining doubts.
But, nothing (no matter how objective we try or pretend to be) is fool-proof. I was reminded of this (painfully) yesterday.
T & I both had the day off (woo-hoo federal holidays!). The day started out on an emotional note: We dismantled T’s toddler bed (formerly his crib) to make room for a real bed.
The crib was a gift from my law school friends & I have vivid memories of putting it together by myself when I was 8 or 9 months pregnant. (That whole nesting thing…)
Then all of a sudden, here I am, handing my four-year-old the hex key to take out all of the bolts, which he did quite handily.
He looked at me like I was crazy when I teared up just watching him work away.
So, yeah, that’s the kind of morning it was at my house.
We had a dream-like day together, going on a nature walk, cooking & cleaning together, carving jack-o-lanterns, reading books, learning about organs.
Then after dinner, he said it.
“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”
He wanted to be with me.
And I thought to myself: I don’t want to go to work—I want to be with you, too.
Truth is, I can only pull off one of these mostly-perfect days once a quarter, if that. So, really, he wouldn’t want to be with me day in & day out.
And this morning, he was excited as we left for school.
Though I’ve done a pretty decent job at banishing mommy guilt, I am often reminded of how precious & important time spent together is for him & for myself.